I am enveloped in a welcome swath of alone

There are days, such as today, that I feel rather like an experiment. 

I no longer have to force myself out of my cocoon.  I no longer have to force myself to become socially interactive to break out of the silence that used to try to sneak unsuccessfully into my soul.

I can now, at my own welcome, let it in.  I can go for hours without speaking a word, seeing a person, or doing anything but listening to the quiet.  I can now avoid answering the phone, for I know that the person I ignore won’t be able to come to my door.  I can fake smile, and fake laugh, and not fear being found out.  It is freeing, beyond words.

I feel that I have life breaks.  The evening comes, or weekends, or school holidays, and the soul silence takes the back seat.  I enjoy the noises of my children, like a breath of sunshine.  I listen intently to their every tale, so that I may take them to heart, to replay when they are no longer here.

I can lose myself on a daily basis, to find myself just in time for the door to open.  I welcome the silence, I welcome the alone.  It isn’t even hard to adjust to, it is just what it is.

I wonder if it is depression, or “dampened spirits” or some such other glossy term.  I think, maybe I need medication, maybe <insert cure> would work.  I go for walks, I do my necessaries, I bask in the sun, and take the glow in.  No.  I am not depressed, I am not sad, I am not lonely.  I am just alone.  Quiet and content in my envelope of silence.

The time is ticking down, the days clicking away, and soon, I won’t have to answer the phone, won’t have to type responses, unless I really want to.  I know that today is a dark one, that tomorrow may be lighter.  Tomorrow may be a day that the silence takes a break.  Or the day after.  No matter which day it takes, the return is inevitable, and welcome.

Savoring the silence.


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